When the expected becomes the unexpected

Decades ago, when I was a teenager somebody told me that our parents "never die". That when we're young, we see our parents as always being there, forever. I thought he was talking a load of rubbish. Over the years I barely noticed my mother growing old. Like all mums, she embarrassed me enough times when I was a kid  (I mean really, who sends a 9 year old out to buy a shopping trundler full of cheap sanitary pads?). She called me in 2004 to tell me that my dad, her ex husband, had died in another country and I cried a little for the man I loved and respected but never really knew. Mum plodded along with her leaky valve rendering her breathless and her legs occasionally giving way at inconvenient times. She had major heart surgery, pneumonia, bronchitis...and she always bounced back. She's 84 now and without her walker, she could pass herself off as late sixty-something. She spends most afternoons filling in competitions and puzzles in magazines, with the help of my 15 year old son, M, who adores her and visits her most days.

Yesterday I was reminded of what I was told back in the late 70s. Mum had called and asked if Beloved and I could come and see her as she had some news that she didn't want to tell us over the phone. A weight deposited itself in my stomach and I realised that after years of mental preparation, I wasn't at all rehearsed for this moment. Something along these lines was bound to happen sooner or later. Suddenly I understand what I'd been told all those years ago. Perhaps we kids can tend to take out parents' lives for granted.

So now the malicious Breast Cancer Fairy has visited and left a mark that's going to need cutting out and zapping. She's 84.Surely I knew that something would come up sooner or later. It turns out that she's had it for a while and her previous doctor had ignored my mother's questions about the ominous lump. It's a horrible thing that strikes women of all ages all over the world and it's not fair. But this one is my mum.

I have this thing where I think dying should be a welcome relief when one is very old and very tired.  My plan for the end of my life is to die a healthy death and simply fall into a peaceful sleep and wake up in Heaven where Jesus will give me a huge smile and throw His arms around me. That's my hope for all of my loved ones.