Saturday, January 28, 2012

The giant leap from a double A cup to Watties tomato sauce

I had to go shopping recently. Over the last year I've stacked on a few curves - a bit of a shocker for someone who has been skinny her entire life. After "weighing up" the options (see what I did there?) I determined that diet and exercise would simply be out of the question. I've tried exercise and I don't really like it very much. Refer to my I'm not weird if you want further details, or check out my chocolate-inspired workout video if you really have to get things moving:
Clearly, hitting the shops was the only way to ensure a satisfactory outcome for me. On the up side about 4 decades after it was due, puberty has finally been kind to me and my "double A Filing System" has increased to an A Cup. The down side is that I'm buying clothes with a number on the tag that just doesn't match what I feel the clothes should be. Must be made in foreign sizes or something.

Now the really cool thing about having lots of new stuff is that it makes a girl feel pretty special to wear something that was in an actual shop just days earlier, rather than scrunched up in a heap behind my winter boots at the back of the wardrobe for a few years. Only, I have these little compulsive fears about spoiling new stuff. I like to keep them new for as long as I possibly can. Unfortunately, I'm very messy. Here's the result of foolishly wearing a white tee shirt at the chocolate fountain for the "Ladies' Chocolate Dessert and Movie" night at church recently:
Liquid chocolate is just so...gooey.

Sometimes I think we can have a similar feeling towards all the nice things that God gives us. When I had my first baby, I couldn't believe that I could possibly be good enough to be a mother to such a beautiful child. I fretted that I'd break her somehow and would constantly check her while she slept by pretty much doing anything that would annoy her enough to wake up. 

I have a lovely friend who seems to think the same way. Whenever something nice comes her way, she worries that she might spoil it. She told me once that if she gets given a white robe in Heaven, she just knows that she's going spill tomato sauce on it. I get what she means. Although...I'm still trying to work out how she'll have access to tomato sauce in Heaven. Maybe God's planning a traditional Kiwi Barbeque for our arrival and there'll be a massive bottle of Watties Tomato Sauce to go with the deviled sausages.

So I told my friend that I think God has all that covered. I reckon he has some sort of stain preventive thingee, a sort of condiment repellent that doesn't stick to Heavenly robes. I think it might be called...

Jesus' blood

I guess it's okay to say that since Jesus made a way for us to cuddle up with God and be His kids, we can safely assume that sometimes God allows nice things for us and it really is okay to enjoy them. I think they're known as Blessings. He really is very nice, isn't He!

 And on that profound note, I'll leave you with this little clip of someone who I think I would get along very well with: