Albie and Tablegate

Grossness alert! For the last nine days I've had some ickiness going on near my armpit in the form of an ever-growing abscess which refuses to identify itself. Over the summer I'd became well acquainted with a plague of biblical boils when two of my kids picked up some super bug carried around by one of our fosties. This has not behaved like a boil. It's been big, angry and mysterious. Although my doctor could neither confirm nor deny I've convinced myself that it's a white tail spider bite so that my Beloved might feel guilty for not having the house bug-bombed when I asked him to.

Beloved had the day off work so I thought I might languish about in my dressing gown and moan at opportune moments, such as when I needed a cup of tea. Meanwhile, this...THING under in my arm has developed a personality. I've decided to call it Albie the Abscess because due to its inability to let me know what it's actually thinking, it must be a boy. I also like the alliteration. Albie has been sulking and festering. He's building up under my skin and is making me very uncomfortable. With all that swelling and redness it had become obvious that either Albie had to be detonated or I was going to implode. This ick had to come out. I'll spare you the grisly details but it's adequate to say that work has successfully (and painfully!) begun in extracting the goop which is already giving immense relief.

I like to think that I can rejoice in my suffering due to the perserverence of character that has been developing over the last nine days but I'm more reminded of a slightly embarrassing incident at work last year that is hereafter known as "Tablegate".

It was Fun Day and the school where I work and I was in the mood to have fun. In the staff room there is one table that is a disgrace. The teachers leave it in a mess with dirty coffee cups and living organisms that once started as food scattered across the surface for the cleaners to contend with.  Not cool!  Although it was my idea, I would like to take a moment to point out that I did have an accomplice - who shall remain nameless - for what happened next. The teachers at this table like to sit in the same spot - every day. It seemed funny to turn all the chairs around and...well if it was good enough for Jesus to get cross and biff a few tables across the temple, then surely it was righteous for me to assist my accomplice in tipping up the grotty table.

It looked perfect. Ha! Would those teachers laugh when they saw the little stunt we'd pulled.

NOT!

It was bad timing. Naughty students had broken into some classrooms and stolen expensive stuff which had made the staff antsy - and I was oblivious. Later, I passed through the scene of the crime to enjoy the confused hilarity. Instead I was greeted by angry groundsmen, management, upset teachers...all trying to piece together the evidence from an intolerable break in to the teachers' sanctuary. So I did what any other bold Christian would do. I ran away.

Remember Albie quietly festering in my armpit? My sinful secret was doing just that. I knew it had to be dealt with but I knew it was going to be unpleasant and maybe even a little messy. Long story short: I confessed to the Business Manager. I didn't dob in my accomplice because I needed to take responsibility for my own actions. The boss was unhappy. I had made the cleaner cry when she saw the mess! I was instructed to send an All Staff e-mail explaining to over 170 people exactly what I'd done. With tears streaming down my cheeks I hit the send button and waited for the fall out. I bought people chocolates and gave a "Sorry" card, explaining that my blood group is O Negative and too valuable to be spilled.

The guilt was better out than in.  Responses flooded my e-mail in-box:

I thought it was hillarious!

It's about time somebody did something to spice up our boring lives!!

I don't know you very well but what I know for sure is that it's rare to have people to front up and admit to such a thing. You're very very brave with a big heart.

Next time, leave a sign with smiley faces :-) :-) See how much better things look with a smiley face :-)


We love you Ange


Someone approached me outside the canteen and shook my hand. Yet another person reminded me: "You know you're loved, right?"

So there it is. I squished the ickiness out of my sinful secret. I let it go and, as a bonus, went from Zero to Hero. I guess God really does know what He's talking about when He suggests we confess our sins. There's still a bit of work to do with Albie and the ickiness he's holding onto. He's a bit like me really. I need to keep coming back and allow God to coax all my goop out of me too.

Actually, I think Albie might hold a more pertinent lesson about bitterness but the Tablegate Incident works for me.